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2012-01-14T23:34:00.001+08:00

Conditioning me to live without you

2012-01-14T21:21:00.001+08:00

Little barrier that i cant get over. It'll do me no good. So why do i?

so hesitant.

2012-01-10T00:44:00.003+08:00

As i read back my archive, there were so many unhappy posts. Often hating on myself. Why am I such a joke? I'm thankful for this and that but really, just that wont override all that unhappiness I've built up over the time. Nothing has been answered for, no one has been held accounted for.

I really miss 2010 so much, i miss doing all the crazy stuff with my friends, being so ignorant about everything.

2011 made me think so hard, so much. It was really such a bad year. School sucked. My love life sucked. All in all, life sucked.

GOD DAMN IT

2012-01-09T17:52:00.001+08:00

These few days have been quite some experience seeing how ugly people are, including myself.

I can't see myself being nice to people when I'm used to being treated well.

Gotten a few test results back.

All the time, thought I won't be getting an A whenever I leave the exam room. Hence I didn't expect an A, but my results came out to be really close to full marks. Should really have counted my blessings but then, I got disappointed becus I should have gotten full marks. Really? I'm impossible to please.

2012-01-07T10:05:00.001+08:00

Your words have such a nice twist. They are just words to make yourself feel better. They are far from truth and they are called lies.

Anything new? Nope. I'm just laughing so ever pathetically.

2012-01-05T23:11:00.003+08:00

So many things for me to do, dowanna do.

1) Projects

2) Revise missed out lectures.. everything's piling up.

3) Settle my claims

4) Settle my dates for courses

So many things i wanna do, cannot do.

1) Wanted to dye my hair for the longest time, but looking at its condition now... i feel like its my duty to shave it off.

2) Go sun tan, but my back is infested with fucking pimples... it's so horrendous i can cry.

3) Go run for fuck sake and lose some fats

4) Go on a real holiday, which I hadnt done so for years. Even after O's, no.. not even to Malaysia. Just a stupid trip to Batam which I didn't enjoy a least bit.

5) Eyebrow embroidery. $600 at browhous. Which I just had enough for last month, don't even know where my money went.

Goddamnit, thinking bout it, I've wasted money on Batam, could have just go to a nice buffet at a hotel or something :/

I need my holiday already

2012-01-05T20:03:00.002+08:00

So broke...... all becus of the stupid christmas spirit, been into a splurging mood. Remember how i would think $3 a meal is expensive? Now i would spend my whole day allowance on a meal. YES EXACTLY! TOTALLY!!

gotta eat grass for the next few months to come.

2012-01-02T14:50:00.001+08:00

Dont wish to have a happy new year ahead, just hopefully survive.

Rule of the thumb, turn blind eye. Don't be too bothered by own feelings.

2012-01-02T10:54:00.001+08:00

Cried myself to sleep. Woke up crying. Not that I need acceptance, sympathy, I have too weak a threshold. Its only because thats the only thing I can do when it hurts so bad.

From you begging me to hit you, your apologies, your promises turned out to be a bluff. You asked me how to make me feel better when you never bothered to do it. You said you care for my feelings, but lied to me again. You said you will not go, you hid it from me yet again. You said this you said that, lies after lies.

At the end of the day, it was my fault that you lied. My fault, it has nothing to do with you cus I love to pick on someone I care. Everything was my fault.

My fault that a trip was so much more important than me. My fault thinking I was important to you, but it turned out to be just my own stupid thinking.

I'm so fucking stupid that I should just die.

2012-01-02T00:07:00.001+08:00

Leaving this world seems to be such a convenient solution.

Better off dead

2012-01-01T14:10:00.002+08:00

Also, the first time in my life, i thought a year could so bad. My 2011 sucked bad ass.

2012 didnt start off on a good note either

Gonna plant ink on my $4.90 sort-of-DIYed 2012 planner

2011-12-27T00:28:00.001+08:00

For the first time in my life I feel so disgustingly fat

Another disappointing day, taking the blame for somebody else's mistake. Complains from the short 30m wait. Imagine my hours spent, waiting and looking for you.

Haven't set a foot in my running shoes. My limbs feel like they are degenerating. My body feels so weak. Feels like I'm falling sick. Have no appetite to eat anything at all lately, it's scary. Just forced myself to take 2 bowls of cereals.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Removing stitches and meeting D, gdnite.

2011-12-22T00:33:00.001+08:00

Words are smellier and dirtier than rupiah. That dirty and cheap.

2011-12-20T23:35:00.001+08:00

I should have known, I should have seen it coming

You'll never change.

Never.

Heart felt

2011-12-20T23:26:00.001+08:00

我受够了等待你所谓的安排说的未来到底多久才来

总是要来不及才知道我可爱我想依赖而你却都不在

应该开心的地带你给的全是空白

你累积给的伤害我是真的很难释怀

终于看开爱回不来而你总是太晚明白

最后才把话说开哭着求我留下来

终于看开爱回不来我们面前太多阻碍

你的手却放不开宁愿没出息求我别离开

你总是要我乖慢慢计划将来我的眼泪却一直掉下来

过去怎么交代你该给的信赖

看到记忆慢下来
　
过去甜蜜在倒带只是感觉已经不在
　
而我对你的期待被你一次次摔坏已经碎成太多块要怎么拼凑跟重来

2011-12-13T21:50:00.001+08:00

It's too bad a timing

2011-12-13T19:01:00.001+08:00

So drained.. Wish I could just take a break and leave everything else behind. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to except Friday, when I could wash my hands off studies for 2 weeks.

2011-12-13T18:46:00.001+08:00

I've grown to be so fearful.

So fearful of you.

All the time

2011-12-13T13:07:00.001+08:00

Feeling lousy and useless

What's new right? Aha.

As pathetic as it sounds

2011-12-11T22:43:00.001+08:00

But.

Just wanna be truly happy

2011-12-11T17:43:00.001+08:00

I was asked out on a Friday midnight. I literally rolled around in anxiety and fear. I immediately put on an emergency facial mask in hope that my pimples would disappear in a night.

God knows why I was at Tampines with Belinda. It was crazy. I didn't know what to wear. I didn't want to dress up, in case I get mistaken for being too serious, I put on a navy blue long sleeved shirt, a ripped denim shorts, Navy TOMS, grey manhattan portage which I always carry around.

It was the day when Greece was playing against S.Korea at the world cup. Belinda left early so she could watch the game. I was left alone.

We hadn't decide where to meet yet. I lingered around.

313@Somerset that is.

I took the MRT train and reached at about 7.45pm. You were playing tennis with your client then.

I walked up to Forever 21, pinching my face, my stomach. My whole body was so hot. I kept sweating. NEVER in my life had I felt like this before.

My phone rang, on the display, was your name.

I put down the floral denim shorts I saw at $29 (mad cheap!) and quickly rushed down to level 1, to meet you.

The place was filled with people then. I was turning round and round, yet I couldn't find you. There was a light tap on my shoulder. By reflex, I turned back and was greeted by your smile.

You were in a red/black folded shirt, jeans, black shoes.

I followed your lead, to Triple one. We had to wait for a table at Applebee's, so we walked around Cold Storage. You kept emphasising Snapple was "fake juice", in the end, you still bought it. I had strawberry yoghurt drink. You tried to converse in mandarin and failed terribly.

My fingers was tapping non-stop on the table for no rhyme nor reason. My stomach felt unwell. I kept mum. You kept me laughing. Laughing till my cheeks hurt really bad. On the left was a TV playing a live match of soccer. My penne sucked. You had pork ribs. I couldn't finish mine cus it sucked so bad. I thought I left a bad impression.

99% of the time during a date, I would make an excuse and say that I'm meeting a friend then go off. This time, I didn't. I just followed.

Unknowingly we walked from Somerset to ION then back to Somerset again. My focus was only you. I don't remember what was around me. Only you.

Suddenly we were at Granny sugar. I loved the place, the ambience. We sat on the right.You had some funny icy swirl. I had the watermelon. I betted with you that there was soursop in it. I won. It was close to 1a.m. You pointed to me the "ownage" on your car plate.

2011-12-11T16:19:00.001+08:00

不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有

可能就是这个意思

2011-12-10T19:24:00.001+08:00

What exactly is love

2011-12-10T18:58:00.001+08:00

I fear seeing anything that reminds me of you

Can't focus

2011-12-10T18:55:00.001+08:00

Every few seconds, a vague image of you appears. I no longer remember how you looked like exactly nor what happened. Can't remember the bitterness, the tears, the sweet, your smile, that thing that held us so close together once. Only the beautiful memories created.

How are you?

2011-12-03T22:51:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired, both mentally and physically. Just when I needed a break from everything else, I had to have exams in a week's time, excluding grp projects.

Coach has been stressing that I need to do even more mentally draining long runs. I need to break thru my 5km mark, or at least a 40mins run. I can't wait for the dreadful 2 weeks to be over and stop thinking bout everything. Everything negative.

Been trying my best to be optimistic, from track to life. Even so, it's tiring me out. Everything's not okay but even the sky falls, I have to be alright cus I know I got to.

I'm just thankful enough that I'm blessed with the best team ever. I really am.

Even so I just need a break and be myself just for that while.

2011-11-21T20:56:00.001+08:00

Down right disappointed hopeless
Possibly it's not possible

2011-11-21T20:54:00.001+08:00

不想多说

2011-10-26T18:30:00.001+08:00

Feeling inferior, in everything I do

Want a nice big round ass
Big boobs
Smaller face
More hair

Good knees to run to lose the fats all over the body

2011-10-16T15:04:00.001+08:00

I can never get anything done or right.. well done useless motherfucker

2011-10-08T11:20:00.001+08:00

Funny how I never thought I was least bit fat for 16 years of my life.. And at the flabbiest part of my life, 16 yr old. I was really okay with my body..

Then only I began scrutinizing every part of my body. Too flabby, too chunky. Feeling guilty for a piece of chocolate. Really?!

Watched Jay Chou perform last night with Cherlyn. One of the most amazing night ever. Though I went through some drizzle sizzle in the day to collect the tickets, and it was my veggie day. AND Jay was the last performer.. Imagine the wait. Screamed, sang till my voice was hoarse. Waved and clapped till my arms ached. Jumped till I pant and sweat.

After the concert, Cherlyn and I just kept singing from the indoor stadium in the middle of the large crowd, to kallang leisure park, to the MRT station. Dancing and screaming to nothing. Love such a simple night like this.

Can never get sick of Calv. Seen him 6 times in 8 days already. Lots of shit happened along the way... but can't stop the loving.. No no no...

2011-10-06T18:03:00.001+08:00

So so desperate to fix up my knees just so I can go right on track right now. Bulldoze those pounds off and become fitter, stronger and better.

I've not been doing any form of exercising for more than 2 weeks. Imagine. All flab now.

Wanna run so badly.. Hope things will be fine tomorrow.

2011-10-03T18:29:00.001+08:00

So hopeless

2011-09-29T12:13:00.001+08:00

Desperate for wafers... Something like loacker.

Swearing on proper diet, ferreal. Right thur. Boom boom pow.

This episode was really a painful lesson.

2011-09-27T20:14:00.001+08:00

So fucking stupid of you to believe in those empty words again and again. Just when I thought I could really trust those formulated words. Thought that all the shit I've to go through, went through is going to turn out well, it'll be worth the swollen puffy eyes, the nasal congestion, the nights spent awake.

Congratulations stupid bird

2011-09-27T17:48:00.001+08:00

"Plenty of people asks if I'm okay, 'what's wrong', but these are the people who don't really care"

Invalid expectation

2011-09-27T17:14:00.001+08:00

You must not expect anything from others. It's you, of yourself, of whom you must ask a lot. Only from oneself has one the right to ask everything and anything. This way it's up to you -- your own choices -- what you get from others remains a present, a gift.

- Albert Schweitzer

Don't expect anything from others, no matter what rainbows and butterflies, oceans and skies they seem to promise to you, no expectations. Null. Don't even hope, don't even think of the future. Don't want anything from the future. This way then can only be no disappointment. No breaking hearts, no arguments, no crying because that's the only thing and the last thing you could do.

Last thing I would wanna feel is disappointed

2011-09-24T21:19:00.001+08:00

This week was ok-fulfilling... Met up the old people. Calvin stood by me every moment. Giving math tuition (not funny) maybe some Mario party, aches here and there.. It was good.

In need of answers.

2011-09-19T17:35:00.001+08:00

It's time I should realize that I'm no longer going thru puberty, and I need not eat that much.

I really wanna quit track.. I don't wanna waste my youth like that.

I'm feeling a bit fucked. Actually, fucking fucked.

2011-09-19T16:55:00.001+08:00

So damn much thoughts

2011-09-18T13:39:00.001+08:00

1. Im scared to be late

2. I plan my showering schedule so I would only hafta shower once a day. I hate grooming.

3. I used to love carry my electric blue umbrella with me all the time cus I fucking hate the sun.. I left the umbrella in Han's car. I've thus become slightly yellow colour now.

4. I now shit 2-3 times a day. I am eating that much that I've a golden pillow now. In just a week.

5. Shin is fucking painful now, even thou I haven't ran for 3 days.

6. I'm scared over the slightest things

7. Wants a bread pudding now...

8. I was so busy yesterday that I only had 2 meals. But dinner was enough for 2.

9. Last night, "Childish", says a non-boob brat.

10. Training will be at Bishan. REJOICE!

2011-09-15T23:17:00.001+08:00

So frustrated with myself. Goals. Relationships. Friendships. Legs. Fucking everything.

2011-09-15T22:55:00.001+08:00

It's a bit too late to accept that people coming from elite schools label people like me, NSK (neighborhood sch kids)

Even people who are now on the same level as me. Never knew that such stereotype exists. Frog in da wellz.

2011-09-15T22:09:00.001+08:00

$30 to have me to bury my face, press down on my boobs, a stranger to dig her oiled up elbow in my ass, thighs and calves, groan for 30mins, clenching my fist, wriggle like crazy, gritting my teeth, sweat like crazy.

x 3 more of that... :')

2011-09-15T08:17:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was:

Taking bus 169 instead of 969 to school. Planned to reach school an hour early. I took the express bus, and planted my ass there for an hour. I was half an hour late.

Did a 5km run, in the muddy soil. Cut out 30s.. Not a lot but good enough. Gotta really start panting and fix my knees.. Urgh..

Followed by another 200m x 8, was doing alright (39-40s) till my ass, calves, thighs were bursting with acid... Could have done better..

Going for my massage later.. Not really keen on the endorphins.

Actually I think I might have just fallen in love with trails hahahahaaa.. Let's see on 16th oct. <1h let's go!

2011-09-14T14:36:00.001+08:00

I miss Northland.. No matter how smelly the people and canteen is, the number of people of a race there is in the school, how much the food sucked, and how boring school is, and the nearest mall is boring. Tie day on Friday. Crazy stuffy classrooms. Language class.

The teachers, mates, staff, canteen aunties were great, the company made up for it. The really flexible school rules. PE lessons. Learning to appreciate half an hour of recess. Biology and math lessons were the best.

2011-09-14T11:35:00.001+08:00

This is depressing.

I've been spending way too much because of my crazy huge appetite lately. It's killing moi. I think part of the reason I am eating so much is because I'm only receiving 8 hours of sleep daily.. Sleep less = eat more, gedditditdit??? Or maybe I just need a cheese tart/cake/bun to satisfy my cravings and to shut my mouth up.

Guess what I had yesterday? Whole peach, lotus biscuits, Milo, chicken rice, warm coffee pudding (similar to bread pudding, omg!!) with ice cream, at $4 only!!! Ba chor mee, mango milk tea, bee hoon, otah, mushrooms, chocolate. I was still hungry after my 11pm supper but I hadta force myself to bed.

I've a worm. A worm in my tummy.

2011-09-13T01:07:00.002+08:00

Hotmail has (miraculously) finally sent a message to my phone after attempting for 4 months. I must be dreaming.

Pounded the treadmills last night cus the air was pretty bad with mixes, going up and down, fast and slow for 25 mins right after creating human waste. My legs shook a bit once i got down from the mills.

Calv fell sick. Dumbass. SLEEP NAKED.

We got hooked on to iSketch.

Training today: 1km x 4
I missed my 3rd set by 400m urgh... timing was all over the place.. knees were bleddy painful
But dayum it made me pant... like crazy. Not bad.

Today saw me through a packet of milo, 2 pieces of caramel biscuit from LOLOLOTUS, Ramly burger, MOS Burger, little bit of takoyaki and fries, pancake, noodles, bubble tea. About the amount of what I eat everyday, just on the unhealthier side. I'VE BEEN EATING UNHEALTHY FOR THE PAST FEW MANY DAYS URGH

2011-09-10T21:11:00.001+08:00

爱可不可以简简单单沒有伤害

Never

2011-09-10T17:31:00.001+08:00

You just showed how motherfucking dumb I am..

2011-09-10T14:59:00.001+08:00

Chalet was alright, sleeping on the ground with already-existing backache, receiving 1 hour sleep and almost none from the even previous night. Legs massage. Next morning legs were sore, ran for 40 mins. My legs felt so terrible. Fell down when I tried to get up from the chair. I broke down silently. It hurts. I limped. It hurts so bad. The fear of not being able to run stifled me. I'm frustrated. No matter how much I hate running, there's still no way I want to stop running. It's painful, it's boring, it sucks. But each time I complete my run, I know I've become a stronger person. I can't give up.

2011-09-09T12:49:00.001+08:00

So close to giving up now

2011-09-08T02:15:00.001+08:00

Running log!

Ran bedok reservoir again (approx 5km) and sliced off 2mins! Am at 27 now wahuahua.. But I didn't pant again :/ wells knee started going crazy again..

Drills along the fields length.. Almost died

Then did 200 x 6... Went really slow, slow as in hovering 40s kind of slow zomg. Was focusing on leg cycles rather than speed tho.

Then as usual we had our abs/arms workout.. Gone so weak that I couldn't do even 30 push ups straight..

I'm not that afraid of running anymore hahaha... I keep telling myself I'm an athlete.. IKR! Owell whatever that keeps me going!

2011-09-07T10:03:00.001+08:00

I was telling Cheryl how lucky air stewardess are after 4 desserts (excl dinner and snacks) and last night I dreamt I was up for an air stewardess interview and was supposed to make it to Australia, I think it was Melbourne or Sydney on Cathay pacific and I was 5 mins away from departure time but i made it on time wahuahua...

But shit.. Why did I wake up...

2011-09-06T23:54:00.001+08:00

I'm just really glad to have someone beside me who actually understands me so well, whom I can tell everything to, and not get pissed. This one girl I meet only once every two months.

It gets on my nerve every time when I tell something personal to someone and not get the correct response. Response meaning, not standing on the opposite side just because adults are always right, or give nonchalant replies. To these people, kiss my fucking constipated ass. Then the next time they ask something out from you.. It'd be like what the fucking fuck do you even ask for?

2011-09-06T13:54:00.001+08:00

Starting on my running log again, ran bedok reservoir, approx 5km at 28 mins, back to where I started half a year back. Felt like the crapiest crap. Worse is, I didn't pant a shit. No it's not something to be proud of, I don't feel like I'm pushing myself or anything. I don't see myself improving at all.

Every time when I felt like I was improving, I hafta fall sick, get injured, get this and that. Then slide back to point zero. Give myself excuses, knowing that I didn't train as hard as before, my knees are painful, my legs are tight, the seniors are supposedly to run faster than me, I never liked running all that nonsense.. I just dowanna run harder than I actually can.

I know I can do this, it's only a question of will. Mind over body.

2011-09-05T13:54:00.001+08:00

Bumming my life away. Literally. Waking up to no alarm clock but fucking drilling noises. Needless to say, the unbearably sizzling boiling grilling barbecuing steaming hot weather. It's only 1.36pm, monday.

Currently:
Am still pissed off with mom for wrecking my laptop without apologizing. Fucking hell. Now I'm using this 512mb RAM laptop with fucking outdated browsers and has no space to download new ones.

Hungry, thou I had the world's lousiest ba chor mee, half a mooncake.. That is not exactly a mooncake, it has crust and yam fillings inside and a bowl of cereal. Reminder: it's only fucking 1:36pm! I AM HUNGRY!

Missing, Calvin Low Chin Wei. Though I saw him 14 hours ago, seeing him get angry with me cus I haven't been showing him concern. 20 hours ago, I was pissed with him changing his mind to come to my place instead of going to Suntec as already planned. But he could tell I was hOooO , we made our way to Marina Sq. Had some really funny noodles at noodie house, but it tasted so good, way beyond what I expected.

Still missing Calvin.

Today's just Monday, and I've got track training at 6pm.

Hungry. May just grab a zespri golden kiwi, and a bowl of cereal. Take a shit.

The only thing I miss about school is the beef kway teow at Mensa 1. School food sucks and the canteen stinks btw.

Am still missing Calvin.

I wanna have tiramisu milk tea from 7-11. I dreamt that a provision shop sells 3 at $2. 7-11 has it for $2.

Can't wait for tomorrow, to meet Cheryl. Can't wait for Wednesday's track chalet till Friday.
Can't wait for Friday to ktv and meet Calvin!

Friday should come after Monday.

Shall go get a kiwi NOW. I've a strand of mee pok stuck in my throat :|

2011-09-01T19:48:00.001+08:00

fuck pissed

Remember, we forgot what brought us together

2011-08-29T22:20:00.004+08:00

以前的一句话是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得当初那些温柔
我们都忘了这条路走了多久
让时间说真话虽然我也害怕

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中看见了不同的天空
走的太远终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我要有两个相反的梦

2011-08-29T20:27:00.001+08:00

Exam ends on Wednesday 11.30am, really wanna treat myself to endless sashimi, but I've to wait for 5 1/2 hours for my track training at Tampines stadium. Then get back home at 11pm. Discipline rulexxxx

Had a sucky egg tart today, pui.

Just begun proper dieting today. Doing not too bad.....
Bfast: A cup of tea, Texas BBQ sandwich
Lunch: Egg tart and polo custard bun (nay)
Dinner: At home and a slice of cheese lol

I miss salty food

2011-08-28T22:46:00.003+08:00

I sincerely switched on my laptop, just to listen to Rolling Stones.

I searched for egg tarts. I dont want to listen to anymore Rolling Stones or have anything to do with accounting. I only want an egg tart that can fit perfectly in my mouth, let that flaky tart crumble and sliced by my molars, while the hot glorious yellow sunshine egg custard melt all over the body's strongest muscle and palate. Crunch and nom crunch and nom.

*Egg tart must fit perfectly in my mouth

this is a battle between discipline and food

2011-08-28T19:15:00.001+08:00

Have so many needs to fufil... I'm always running out of money even though I am keeping my expenses really low, AT LEAST 5 times lower as compared to my secondary school days. I bought whatever I wanted to eat or wear with no implications, i just had that infinite cash flow..

In 2009, I spend $100-200 a week on average. 4/5 of that goes to food. Puberty bro. My allowance is LESSER than what I spend.. And all that extra money came from my sales.

BAH tho I'm receiving slightly more allowance (decent enuff) i feel the pinch whether I spend more than $3 on a meal, get snacks more than $2, clothes more than $10. I'm living my life super miserably -_- yes I'm complaining.. It's just not right that my expenses is lower as I get older.. And I have to pinch every penny and deals. Did I mention I don't shop at all anymore? Okay maybe once in a while check out online stores but not on the streets. And that i dont have my weekly/fortnightly buffet for a year. My leaf really turn until rot..

Urgh need the chings... Which will come after my exams this wed. Fuck school btw. : )

2011-08-27T10:52:00.001+08:00

WHY LA WHY MY TRIPLE EYELID COME BACK LA

Not getting enough sleep recently.. Getting too much pimples lately..

Does anybody actually craves for egg tarts?? It isn't exactly my favorite food... BUT I JUST WANNA HAVE THEM RIGHT NOW.. those fresh from oven 50¢-sized small sweet soft sunshine in camel-brown flaky tart from peach garden.. ZOMFG..

2011-08-26T20:19:00.001+08:00

Fit and flare, skater dress, skater skirt... thinking of these the whole day!!!!

2011-08-25T17:19:00.001+08:00

CURRENTLY BEING COOPED AT HOME.... .......

Gonna finish my shit hopefully then go for a run later in the evening.. Gotta go interval bro

2011-08-25T14:53:00.001+08:00

After the whole soap opera, things just, changed.

2011-08-25T11:54:00.001+08:00

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

Just a little...

2011-08-25T11:36:00.001+08:00

Such a bliss to have my grandfather deliver my favorite $2.50 ba chor mee, with lots of chilli (mee kia and no vinegar tho )= ) while drilling for my tomorrow's paper...

xoxo plus a sip of tiramisu milk tea (double bliss) and I'm back to whack my books.. Ok and JUST ONE MORE LOTUS CARAMEL BIZCUIT! Bet I'm studying even harder than my olvl days... Just imagine!! DAYUM!

Miss those days when Calv wud bring me around the whole island for ba chor mee.. And piss me off by stopping me from eating too much chili..

Best combi:
-meepok from hill street taihwa at Crawford lane (texture is perfectttt)

-chilli and vinegar either from plaza sing food court (has a very strong vinegar taste, wa suka)
the kopitiam near my place that has the taste of fried onion (pretty similar to tamp bus interchange food court)

-soup from fengshan market, outer stall... Best soup on earth

WOOHOO K.O!!!! BCM FTW!! \m/

Btw I don't take lard or liver hahaha

2011-08-21T22:34:00.002+08:00

I AM GETTING DOUBLE EYELIDS NATURALLY NAO HOHOHO and the slit is really nicely in place.. love u my baby lids <3

really expanded my tums.. fuck.. am really gonna stop my nonsense eating after next sunday (28th) start working on abs and watch my diet...

i've a bad habit of finishing my rice and get full, but i'll still eat the sides, cus that's where the money goes. most of the time, i dont even feel full... serious sam. then, i would always want to have something sweet and cold after my meal... I-C-E-C-R-E-A-M/ froyo haha. i feel that the meal portion the school serves is really crazy small.. then i will always have 1 meal + 1 unhealthy snack :|

good lord of discipline......

gonna reward myself if i watch my diet for 2 weeks... just 2 weeks!!

2011-08-21T11:12:00.001+08:00

Again, sigh.

2011-08-21T11:06:00.001+08:00

It just happens... So and so.

2011-08-19T12:58:00.001+08:00

Today marks the last day of school haha and I am at home! I'm DEAD HAPPY.

Am still very stoned in class like my lower sec days when I don't even talk cus I am asleep every time.

It's weird I've put on weight.. Even heavier than my o level chubby days and my 4/7 gym days.. Slapped on 4kg woo haha tho I think I still look the same.. Hopefully?! So its alrite.. Just fluffed up on my arms and tums haha :( god damn diet...

Yesterday calv fed me all kinds of rubbish.. He says he wants to motivate me to run -_-

Had a bowl of cereal, Yong tau foo, whole orange, pulur hitam, fruit tart, ice cream, $2 carrefour sushi! Haha, then an 8~10 course dinner. Then had a terrible headache till now... Was supposed to hit the mills today but I'll just do some abs exercises and leave running for tomorrow!

AND MASSAGE MY LEGS..

2011-08-14T02:03:00.002+08:00

Think i've wasted a good foundation that i bought 2 months back... i didnt even bother to open it.. i only wear foundation once a fortnight.. or even lesser. so everyday's only eyebrow make up and lip tint. been getting triple eyelids on both eyes.. siansy

so thankful that my hair is sprouting back!! no sorry it's called ze MANE. HAHAHA *curtsy*

but my eyebrow colour's getting lighter and lighter... W.H.Y?!

2011-08-13T00:16:00.001+08:00

There is so little I can do

"the only time we're not together is when I die or you don't love me"

I love you, you're still around, the word, "together" does not.

It's painful.. too painful

2011-08-09T16:05:00.001+08:00

Do you like Justin bieber?
Jean: no
Why?
Jean: cus everyone hates him
You're a follower not a leader
Jean: I'm a non belieber

2011-08-07T23:34:00.004+08:00

soooo i'vent been running for quite some time already cus of my knee and flu.. and not watching my diet for the longest time. few months, that is LOL

calv almost banned me from eating anything at all... i know right.. malnutrition!!

so yea.. this is called the off season period.. till my flu bugs are gone, go for massage, get my knees oiled up, and i'm good to go!

to be back in shape.. (if i ever had haaha)

KIDDING

april/may 2011

this would just do.....

2011-08-04T21:08:00.001+08:00

What sucks more than having a cough, sore throat and runny nose. IT band is too tight that my knee is crazy now. Can't go for massage becus of flu.

FWAH

2011-07-31T11:06:00.001+08:00

Had a Milo bar without drinking water and went to sleep > sore throat > body feels sick

So damn smart

I need an ice cream or at least a yoghurt

When can I ever start proper training man

2011-07-28T08:57:00.001+08:00

On sat, I pulled my right hamstring and was supposed to do a bleddy run!!!

Team got first...... in captain's ball. Calv and his friends kept poking fun at my trophy... BAH

Monday had a test in the evening, was too late for training

Tuesday went to the gym alone... Felt like the sky was falling... Ran, did a little bit of abs, back and arms exercise..

Yesterday during training, I pulled BOTH HAMSTRINGS while doing drills.. :|||||||| felt so terrible skipping work outs again...
2km x 3 ALONE
Then when my hamstrings werent feeling too bad... The pain in my knees and glutes just had to kick in... Was screaming and crying during my run lolol... I was telling myself to give up cus i hate running.. But yea completed my run still.. Don't feel the endorphins rush anymore...

Good shower then miserable pineapple fried rice with no pineapple...

"bounce back stronger"

2011-07-27T11:12:00.001+08:00

you're so good at saying 1 thing and do another

sigh

2011-07-20T10:25:00.001+08:00

It's not about losing weight

It's about losing fats

Sigh I really dowanna run later..... #depressionfrommondaystraining

Everyone knows I hate running. I mofoly hate running. I'm in TaF. Seriously.

Can't wait for tomorrow's capt ball game! Woooooooooo

2011-07-19T23:37:00.001+08:00

Sigh why must loacker exist... And taste so awesome........

2011-07-19T21:09:00.002+08:00

Did not manage to complete my work out.... 1600 x 4 :(

was really feeling giddy after my check up... and wasn't really mentally strong enough...

btw, yesterday when the team went to take Jacq's ride, we walked through the netball court.. DAMN those times.. no matter how much i hate bla bla bla, i still loved the sports. can't wait for thur's captain's ball game already.......

shagsy day

BLEDDY HELL WHY IS LOACKER QUADS SO ADDICTIVE LIKE CRAZY

2011-07-18T01:45:00.001+08:00

Can't wait to run tomorrow already.. Even after all that panting, sweating.. At least I can keep some things off my mind.. Even if it's just for a few hours. Escaping from reality... Reality where it all happened, and that I've no idea what to do, all alone.

2011-07-17T11:33:00.001+08:00

Do you know who am I?
Jean: ???
I am a 10km runner
Jean: My kor ran 10 times of that

-___-

2011-07-16T10:41:00.004+08:00

school's been.... wake up reluctantly, heavy bag, getting pissed off with idiots who dont move to the bus rear, skipping computer system lectures, stoning during management and communication skills tutorial, sucky food, dusty canteen, waiting 4.28mins for the lift, climbing narrow staircases, meeting project deadlines, trainings.

ran 10km <1h (ok slightly lesser) yesterday! wooOOoOo on the mills tho LOL after 2 boxes of choc melt and creme brulee mcflurry

felt so bored, hot, stuffy... was so tempted to rip off my shirt BAH

the only motivation was calv and lifting up my shirt to check out myself on the mirror LOLOL DAMN.... DAMN!!!! i need to run naked woOoOOhOo..

kidding but woah i'm really impressed what running can do even after all my wafers, bread, milo bars, ice cream....

just lemme endorse for nike women already hahahaahahhahaha HAHAHA

2011-07-14T19:49:00.000+08:00

Been loading up lots of carbs lately.. Especially on white bread... I don't even know howta start how it's a waste of calories. And Milo bars... Since they're really cheap at $1 haha.. I just don't like spending so much on bleh school food..

Bah the creme brûlée mcflurry is woohoo

Am currently craving for choc mint pretzel now but I shall forgo it and have choc melt instead since it's going 1-for-1 hahahaha

Neck and glutes have been really sore...

So many projects coming up.. Zzz hate group projects.. Accommodating to people's schedule and everything BAH

2011-07-14T00:07:00.001+08:00

Alright.. Just a short note down before crashing my bed. It's now 12 and I've got school at 9am urgh..

Had a short usual 6 laps warm up
Drills and strides
2k x 3
1st set was really good. 10mins at a constant pace.
2nd wasn't too far off at 10m 10s.
3rd, at the first lap I had stitches. This one hurt really bad. Restarted all over, after first lap, badass sharp pain again. Was really unmotivated to move on, and wanted to go to my coach and ask for "discount". Then I thought bout what she said, "your fitness is still not there" and about my oct's run.. Bah decided to restart all over again and head for my last 5 laps.. Slow jog for 2 laps then ran my usual pace for the remaining 3. Damn! Felt so crazily good. Thou I was expected to hit 10-10.5m but owells.. I'm just glad I completed my work out! ::))

10min jog cool down

Wahuahua *pats back* love u Mich hahahahhaha sowee im really THAT glad

Btw I'm still upset over my earphones :(

2011-07-11T22:41:00.003+08:00

my mucus is getting on my nerves already.. been a month already, and my runny nose has just gotten worse.

i'm just not that into fitness and proper eating anymore.. owell.. :/ i just am but not driven enough maybe? hahaha

OMIGAWD........... needa do a fast short run tmr morning before meeting calv for bfast and lessons till 6! fight with the peak hour crowd then do micro and get sufficient sleep.

i will no longer attend school on monday after 2 more mondays.. OMG CANT THIS SEMESTER END ALREADY?! such a drag.. prick in the dick URGH

after dilligently transferring my music folder to my laptop, and sync it to my phone.. i fucking stupidly lost my earphones.. I'M DEAD SAD. i just really hate wasting unnecessary money... good examples are my lost iphones.

oh yea and juz today.. i almost missed my stop cus i slept... so i rushed to the exit and when i was at the lift i cudnt find my phone in my bag's small pocket and my pants... I CRIED LIKE CRAP... "noooo pls nooo" only to find them hidden between my books. :') love ya 3gs

2011-07-11T20:52:00.002+08:00

and so... i was reading up my blog's last year archives for the very first time.. trying to remember the time spent together with calv... and i realised the only thing i do is complain, jot down some random facts and dialogues. hehehe.. cus i tot it's a bit mushy to talk about calv all the time

yesterday/today marks the first year we're together.. FUZZZZ

hahaha in the past.. i could easily list out where we went to, what we did, all the sweet things he did for me.. but in that 1 year, so many things happened.. it's just impossible :') that silly fucker always put myself in front of him. it wasn't all exactly rainbows and butterflies all year round.. but i am just really thankful that i have him with me.

even if he doesnt wash his clothes

even if he has sky high ego (rocketed even higher after his 100km run -_- but hehe i'm so bleddy proud)*

even if he nags at me to brush my teeth

says i should be a man when i squeeze his jigglypuffs and chest

even if he wears his slippers like an idiot

*the other day he was wearing his 100km finisher shirt, we passed by this fella wearing his marathon finisher shirt in an ice cream shop...i bugged calv to go inside, and his group of friends checked calv out ;) lolol

we had a nice dinner at scissors curry rice, like the other 10th july last year.. watch him throwing tantrum, wanting to get a nerf gun. had a second dinner at his place, chicken rice. he did his work, while i worked on my project. was forced to watch youtube massage videos while giving him massage -_-

he gave me a photo frame filled with pictures we took together.. and i gave him a photo album LOLOLOL. out of those photos, around 8 pictures were the same... btw my mom said it was ugry LOL hahha i threatened to box her. best present ever, along with the bracelet, and you, calvin :)

2011-07-04T21:58:00.001+08:00

Running log:
Warm up 2.5km
Sprints 120 x 4
Work out ((400m + 100m recovery) x 5) x 2
Cool down 3.5km/22mins

This week is gonna be a busy one.. BAH

2011-07-03T16:59:00.001+08:00

I'm really scared to see the doc alone tmr.. Imagining for the worst.. Hoping for the best.

2011-07-03T13:05:00.003+08:00

needa fucking focus

and so i'vent recovered from my runny nose and cough and went ahead for a short 0.5hr run... felt so terrible.. i just dont feel good anymore. sigh. i may really wanna stop running for good, i dont know. am still quite discouraged from coach's comment and how i dont feel good after runs anymore.

i'm still in my o lvl holiday mood... since forever.. but first, i wud lykta congratulate myself.. 90% economics.. fyeah!!!!!!!! ok, needa get back to sleep and probably study :/

anyways, i keep telling myself i wanna run.. not needa run. but running really just bores me to death.

2011-06-29T21:41:00.002+08:00

yesterday, i politely refused a biscuit from my mate

"you're really healthy"

hahahaha funny enough.. i dont claim not to be really health conscious.. half of the time when somebody eats something unhealthy, i HAVE to remind him/her that it's bad for health.

i'vent had instant noodles for more than half a year... i only had a few sips of coke very recently after about 10 months? i drink only plain water 90% of the time.. the other 10% is made up of tea, soya milk, milk, orange juice, wheat grass, and vitamin water.

i still have my chocolate kicks twice or thrice a week... indulge in ice cream and bbt once in a while, and sometimes too frequently for my own good.

i follow ieatishootipost's slogan, "don't waste calories on yucky food" tho i am not a calorie junkie and will never be... i know i'm always on the safe side... am just a bit of a fat counter addict. i get really turned off if i see something more than 5g of fats lol... and lots and lots of sodium.

2011-06-29T10:21:00.001+08:00

another sleepless night... am too lazy to go to the gym

zzz i dowanna run anymore

2011-06-29T01:00:00.002+08:00

5k + 3k + 2k with a runny nose and cough

lower back is damn sore.. achy? don't know

been limping like a pig

zzz pissed off

2011-06-26T21:01:00.002+08:00

How come I've never dreaded school this much? Fucking wasted a week of holiday nursing my fucking body. Fuck school. Zzzz

Shag as fag now... So many fucking stuff to do.

Want to quit school so bleddy bad. No this is not your typical teenage girl rant. This is serious business.

Ok alrite, just probably feeling cranky from the lack of sleep for the past few days... and no runs no nothing. Feeling even sicker now..

2011-06-25T22:07:00.003+08:00

The night's already so damn dark... bb's at his 4th hour of run.. hopefully and 11hrs more to go.. hope he's safe and sound.. sigh that crazy asshole must always do something funny make everybody so worried for him..

cant wait to see him complete his run tomorrow!!!

anyway.. havent ran for a week already!! bah runny nose.. dad's a bit pissed off cus i hafta pangseh him AGAIN for his sunday run... hahaha dono howta make it for monday's training.. alrite! SOME PLYO NOW!!!

gotta wake up early to watch bb :)

2011-06-25T12:10:00.001+08:00

Calv's favorite Nadal is in the gypsy mv

"I wanna be like shakira, you wanna be like Nadal. So matching"

"what? I'm Nadal"

2011-06-25T01:18:00.002+08:00

life is so much better with an iphone now... ☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀

going to school with jay chou plugged into my ears.. how nice.. (1 of my top. fav)

did some slipshod excel work and met bb.. jalan jalan, bbq.. some uncle asked when are we gonna get married hahaha.. funny d00d.

kinda worried for bb's run tmr...... with the rubbish he ate, and his nonsensical carbo load then shit theory = lao sai!!!! hope all goes well :)

hehe still rmb last year.. around the same period when he was gonna run his ultramarathon.. he sent me a msg saying.. i'm like his wife waiting for husband to fight war and come home.. even before we got together... tsk cheat feeling